I'm really close to well, but best not take any chances.

Alhamdulillah, the doctor bagi discharge hari Friday hari tu, and ya Allah Alhamdulillah i look much better. The doctor bagi up to 8th of July to be on MC so i got a whole 2 weeks of nothing. Well not really nothing la, ada jugak kena buat keja dari umah but i'm glad that i don't need to go back to the office so soon. I thought of going back to work next week tapi i shouldn't take any chances, mentang-mentang lesion baru tutup, macam la die takleh nak open balik. Not gonna say much, but here are the before, during & after photos. Jangan terkejut cause it's horrid.

Before (ada 1 ja):

1st During (bila bangun tido & guna flash):

2nd During (after dah cuci muka with of course just water):

After:

Scary stuff huh? Would never EVER wanna go through that again. EVER EVER EVER!

Updates, updates

So yeah, i decided to be admitted, well i had to be admitted cause my skin wasn't getting any better. I was admitted on Monday, 20th of June, 2011, today is my 3rd day here. I must say it has gotten really better. The 1st night in bed was torturous. I woke up around 4 in the morning to finally realize i had scratched my neck berdarah-darah dah. But last night i FINALLY had a peaceful and undisturbed sleep. Well it was disturbed: both my brothers Safwan & Shafeeq called one after another asking me whether i'm in the hospital and why i was admitted. But i fell back to sleep tanpa gangguan and the normal twisting & turning. Boleh tido terus :) The only bad thing about it is that i had to wake up. Urgghh!

So how are they treating me here? I have to be under wet wraps 24/7. How does this work?:

First : The nurses will slap like a very large amount of moisturizing cream (Aqueos + 25% Glycerin) from neck to ankle.

Second : They'll sapu this steroid cream on all the open wounds from neck to ankle.

Third : They'll sapu Fucidic cream on all the open wounds from neck to ankle.

Fourth : They'll wrap all the sapu-ed parts of my body with a wet bandage as for the 1st layer, they a dry bandage for the 2nd layer.

And that's it :) But everytime it dries up, i'll have to take the 2nd layer off, spray the 1st layer so it'd be damp again the re-pakai the 2nd layer.

For my face i'll sapukan the same moisturizing cream and i was given a separate steroid cream (less %) together with something more mild to sapu keliling mata.

So now, the open lesions on my face tak berapa visible but they're still there la sikit-sikit. My arms and legs memang ada difference and tak itchy dah though the lesions haven't closed up yet. It's my neck which is taking a little longer to improve. Macam sekarang ni pun dok rasa gatal-gatal.

The doctor said hopefully i can be discharged by Friday. InsyaAllah <3 Amin <3

Bosan, bosan, bosan.

I've been on MC for over 20 days, and come Monday, will be exactly 25 days. Then comes the big decision on whether i should be admitted to HKL (3rd class ward which sucks bigtime).

Kinda sucks that now i have my personal insurance policy, i can't even use is cause it doesn't cover eczema. It's right after i agreed to have it when my eczema chose to break-out like a mad woman on a rampage. Haish. Whatcha gonna do about it kan? Just find ways to get better la. The plans? Initially i was planning to go straight for this practice called Colon Hydrotherapy where you've got to stick a tube up your asshole and have like 10 galons of water flow into your system. You can read more about it here. Quite interesting really, i'd suggest everyone to do it. Especially Malaysians with all the food we intake daily.

However, i had to take everyone's advise and as a courtesy call, take like final medical advise and since i haven't enough $$$ to go to a private and keep up with the follow-up appointments (i think kalau i did, takat skarang ni dah beribu dah), terpaksalah ke specialist dermatology di GH (HKL) and oh my god, the parking there is like suicide. But being admitted (if that's the choice i have to take this Monday) is gonna be the last straw. Bagi berparut pun i dah cukup bahagia.

P.S.: I'm watching Jamie At Home sambil-sambil and he never seizes to make me fall in love with him. Hahaha, Funny how i love to watch all these cooking shows however still not know how to cook. Penyakit Melayu la ni: MALAS.

Well once my skin is at least berparut and i'm all comfortable to leave the house during the day, i'm going to pursue 2 types of therapies (i hope):

1. Colon Hydrotherapy
2. Ozone Therapy - Ozone pulak i think it's some kinda blood cleansing process. You can read more here.

And once i pursue both, i'm planning to be well, ready & prepared for ANYTHING by year-end. So, let's just pray that nothing, NOTHING screws this for me cause 2012 has GOT TO be MY year, 28+ is when my life is gonna start. 28+ is when i'm gonna be awesome. I'm accepting 2011 as it is. At least a few god things have happened for me so far:

1. Meeting Rezza
2. Being promoted (though not loving it)
3. Getting a slight raise (well at least something kan?)

Let's just hope that in the next 6 months there'll be more joy and memories to treasure so i don't look back at 2011 and wish to just want to curse it. Kan?

It's like a once a year thinga-ma-jigg for me :/

Gosh, again, it's like a necessity for me to wait a lifetime before i update my blog again. Kinda trendy huh?

I'm not sure what i should be updating knowing there isn't anyone actually following. Kinda like talking to a wall here. But then again for what reason should i be having followers?

A lot has happened in the period i hadn't been updating: a few break-ups with the same person, haha, the official break-up with the same mentioned person, an acceptance of a few new people in my life (there's Ava Sophea, my baby niece born on the 15th of June, 2010 (or has that already been mentioned?)

and there's Mohd. Rezza Adinata Hutagalung who i met on the 31st (or was it 30th?) of January, 2011 and who is now my official Mr. Loverboy.

But there is a but in this little relationship of ours, quite a number of buts actually. But that's for us to handle on our hour. Fate is in God's hands and i'll accept whatever He has planned out for me.

I can say i've also found myself another friend i can consider close. Dah kenal for quite awhile, tapi rapat agak baru juga, i think it has been about slightly more than a year of us being close - and it started with the below am-mature painting attempts:

What else? I've been travelling last year for work purposes. 5 countries: Thailand, Australia, Japan, Vietnam & Singapore. This year there had been rumours that i'll have to travel to Netherlands, Serbia, France, Italy and other European countries which have yet to be confirmed. It's been all fun and sounds all fun but i really don't think that this training position is for me. I mean yeah it sounds like WOW knowing that i'd get to travel to all these places tapi macam i'm not happy doing what i'm during and i'm still in the verge of searching for what's right.

Coming to my skin pula, it hasn't been treating me all that fair. Dahla asyik breaking-out, kena pulak break-out at all the wrong places - yang paling tak boleh terima is it's been breaking out on my face which put me in a lot of depression for quite a while. Lama pulak tu. Dah on MC for over 2 weeks and still continuing. But i'm trying to be optimistic and just praying that i get better in the near future. Bila dah sehat nanti i might build up the courage to post a picture of my face during the time it was in an aweful state. Like a before and after.

There are a few plans in the pipeline to ensure i maintain my health after, Ya Allah Ya Tuhanku tolongla no more outbreaks. It has got to be gone once and for all.

Make up your mind!

i apologize for being a woman, having mood swings but wanting to have them around you, crying but only wanting to cry around you, being manja but only wanting to be that around you

i apologize for being annoying

i apologize for wanting you

i apologize for having you as the only one i wanna be with

i apologize for being me with you

but then, i also apologize for letting you be a man

i apologize for supporting you

i apologize for being there for you

i apologize for letting you lean on me

i apologize for letting you be comfortable with me and letting you pour out your troubles to me

i apologize for letting you be you

i apologize for laughing with you

i apologize for having makan with you

i apologize for holding your hand and letting you hold mine

i just don't know what's right anymore, i don't what's in your head, do you wanna be with me?

bile takde mood, macam taknak bercakap langsung, at least a good morning, a 'how are you?' but nothing. and when you chose to be under the same roof with me, what's it gonna be like then? we have seperate rooms when you're in a bad mood? what?

i don't understand you, you can't just wanna be with me when you wanna be with me. what happens when i wanna be with you and you're not in the mood? this is just effed up!

2010

2010 To Do List:

1. SIMPAN DUIT!:

• ASB
• Nak Kawin!
• Nak Travel!
• Nak SHOPPING (clothes) bile dah kurus nanti (I'd probably only start shopping when i've went down to 50kg, at least 52kg la...leh?) - oh, shopping untuk kasut, bags, accessories, home decor masih boleh kan :P and Shit, i still need to shop for office attire...damn!

2. KURANGKAN berat badan (yeah, that's been my to do every other year yang tak penah tercapai)

3. Travel more, tak kira lah dalam ke luar negara (Baby, sile2 simpan duit juga yeee)

4. More CONCERTS! More DANCING & JUMPING! (untuk stress release and weight loss, boleh?)

5. Outdoor activities please!

The less important are:

7. Improve work relationships but avoid making friends at work.

hmmmm, there's only 1 less important.

Number 4 dah bermula masa new year hari tu. I danced to Basement Jaxx' DJ-ing for 6hours straight - it was THE best! I'll update my experiences in Singapore when i get back.

Hello Roaming!

Sengal betul tak buat roaming kat phone. And even if i did have it, i wouldn't be able to call him coz he's in Thailand. I miss him like i've never missed him before and the worst thing is i don't even know if i'm still gonna be with him when we're both back in Malaysia. Oh god i HATE this feeling!